Before you freak out, no I'm not deactivating. And all my previous contest requests are still in, as well as my friendships and my VOCALOID Collab Pic project.
I've made some great friendships here. But I simply can't be the active one I once was.
I've written this to a friend when discussing activity and I think it can be applied to you all:
"When you word it as "leave you behind" that's when I started to feel bad, man.I hope you don't see it as that. I did make an announcement that I would be less active recently and my activity in general has been dropping. So can I just clarify that I'm not "leaving you behind" because I've lost interest, I'm simply overwhelmed.I've dropped many groups and organizations that I've found "useless" (fan groups that I still am watching for some reason) and it sorely hurts, but I realized that with how I'm living my life right now I can't be on the internet as much as I used to be. I simply have too many goals and motivations that I can't spend time on social media anymore. If I try to manage what I want to achieve, what people count on my to do, and my academics, with the stress of constantly being active I might self-combust out of distress. It's really starting to get to me, and I didn't realize until I actually fell physically ill under all the pressure I was giving myself that things had to change. To be mentally weak was one thing, but not even able to DO the work you're stressing out about because you're sick? That's terrible in of itself. So, this isn't really specified directly towards you but I felt that I had to get it out, and this is the only situation where I've seen this statement fit to write. I'm sorry for my rambling but my assignments and performances aren't going as smoothly as I want them to be, I've lost some physical attributes (half my voice), and I'm getting so mentally weak that I'm crying from the mere music I'm listening to. And this has been a common scene for the past few days.You're far from the problem. You yourself have done nothing. Life has simply bitten me in the back and I have to sacrifice some things. My activity with you is one of those things. If anything, keep creating everything you want to. Everyday you're getting closer to those goals of yours! You should be proud and don't feel you have to justify your activity because you don't. Honestly, I'm just another user, right? It's not your fault, and maybe not even mine, but the fact is I'm dropping out from the "active team" and unfortunately you're going to have to find some more active people. I do wish you the best of luck in finding new peeps to talk to.I'm not that one special guy and I'm sorry for that. I've simply not found a way. I guess I'm a "quitter" because instead of trying to handle everything from everyone on here I just sort of dropped everyone to not make anyone feel like there was bias, huh?Maybe you'll see me fully active again one day."
I'm not leaving for good, but if I'm going to be blunt DA has sort of been a burden the past few months. It's too much to handle, too much interaction and feedback required, and when half of it isn't proving to be useful, why should I continue to utilize a tool that I originally wanted to gain from? I've honestly been doing it for you guys, and while I appreciate your appreciation, it's not possible for me to keep this thing up. I've lost half the passion in my activity here, and giving you something weak as water is not what I want to do. It might seem selfish, and it at least partially is, but I've made a decision that I hope I will benefit from.
It was today, when I was preparing for a performance, messing around with some friends with pieces I've wanted to learn that I realized how much my internet-driven lifestyle was weighing me down. I have things I want to do.
Why couldn't I finish all my assignments so I had more time for things I actually wanted to do? Why did it take me so long to make a decision with something that I should have been set on? Why did I feel like I was living half-asleep?
Ironically, I got in a conversation with a friend on how I has slowly started to drop some old obsessions. Like how "I haven't watched YouTubers for real in so long" and such. Funny, I had already started this realization all these times back.
Therefore, I'm officially leaving DeviantArt completely for at least a month. No, not forever. A month. Like I said before, I might respond to some comments or something but for the most part...done. However, even when I return as "more active", I'm not going to be majorly involved. I am known for biting off more than I can chew and if I invest myself in more community projects, I'll only be slowly eating away my sanity. I'm going to focus on reinforcing my current relationships and trying not to expand too too much because then I'll have to drop everything like now and somehow collect it and make it alright in the future.
I'll still be on the internet (how can one not be these days), but with established projects and such.
I'm sorry. I thought I could slip away somewhat discreetly, but obviously people are noticing. So I feel that I have to announce this.
If any of you are really interested I MIGHT be active on Tumblr. A big MIGHT. (jad-kiwi.tumblr.com
The only reason I'm really upset is because this is the one thing I never wanted to be. An active but at the same time not as "personal" user. I always wanted to be personal with my watchers and feel sociable and hopefully likable, but I overexerted myself and I can't do THAT too.
I'm not trying to hop on the "trend" of being inactive. I just want to reveal what's been eating at me and I've finally gathered the courage to say it.
I know this isn't the time for anime references, but I can't help but feel a bit like Yuuri from Yuri on Ice when he announces to Viktor that he wants to end "this". I...I just feel that this is a similar situation. I'd keep it going but I simply can't. And I want to convince myself it's all for the better, but I know some of my friends here will be upset with me (like Viktor). And I know there will probably be some people who couldn't care less. But it's alright. This is my time, my account, my decision. Everything comes with a price. I just hope I wasn't "ripped-off" with this deal I made with myself.
Until we officially meet again, this is JAD. And I might actually have a life more than the internet now.